Spoiler alert - it's perfectly normal.
Let’s paint a picture for you…
You come home from a shopping trip with your best friend and you find a few pots left on the side – not in the sink. Again. Or maybe he’s just left a pile of clean clothes on the bed instead of putting them away.
Now, in a more laid-back, new relationship, this might not mean anything. But when you’ve just committed to spending the rest of your life with someone in front of all your friends and family on your wedding day? That’s when the pressure starts to sink in. And do you know what that is? Cold feet.
Well, for one thing, you can relax. This is completely understandable. In the lead up to your wedding day, you might get stressed about the seating plan or table arrangements. But you’ll forget about them on the big day itself because nothing else will matter.
A lot of people think that if they live together for a long time before marriage, nothing will change. That’s true in a way…but it can change. A lot.
Your day-to-day life will stay the same. But things might feel a little more serious. This is natural – committing to someone for the rest of your life is a big deal! It’s no longer just you anymore. You have this other life that’s going to be involved with everything.
While you might be content in your relationship, this realisation can be a big shock. Which can actually be made even worse if your new husband-to-be is still on cloud nine. Now you start to question everything. Has he always done that? Or am I only just noticing it now we’re married?
Your first instinct might be to think you’re overreacting, which means you might not want to talk to your friends or family. Luckily, there are other ways to help you find out whether this is all just a normal reaction, or something more serious.
If you know your partner has never let you down or never done anything to increase your feelings of anxiety, you can relax. This is probably just down to the post-wedding blues. So instead of having an argument after your partner does something wrong, treat it as if you’re starting all over again. You wouldn’t break up your marriage over some dirty dishes – you’d talk about it. No relationship is perfect. That’s important to remember.
If your feelings are a bit deeper, you still don’t need to panic. But it might be worth seeing a professional, like a relationship psychologist coach. It’s a good idea to do this before talking to your partner. You might be able to work through your worries in just a few sessions.
But we do understand that this can feel very drastic. If you know your feelings have no real basis, you might want to deal with them on your own. There are loads of different things you can try…but what if none of those work?
If you’re comfortable talking to each other, then talk! This is going to be your best solution. And if it’s not working, then maybe you could both seek help together. It doesn’t have to be scary and it doesn’t mean your relationship is failing. In just a few sessions you can get over your fears and deepen the love between you. You don’t want to leave it four years and spend that time not being truly happy.
What you don’t want to happen is for an argument to start over something silly. And you never know – it might be the case that both of you feel the same way.
In this case, you might both have believed that the two of you were feeling completely fine. But when you talk about it, maybe that’s what you need to move forward. It’s okay to have cold feet after your wedding day. It’s not okay to keep it to yourself. You’ll usually find that your fears are nothing more than panic at your life as a newly-wed.
The best thing you can do is voice your concerns and work on them. Every relationship has flaws. If you admit to them and communicate to each other, that’s the key to a healthy relationship. But it’s still tough. All you can do is be honest and accept each other as you are every single day. That’s why you wanted to get married in the first place, right?
Do you need help bringing your dream wedding day to life? Book an appointment to visit one of our consultants at The Wedding Gallery here.